Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
