i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
