No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
