I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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