can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
