Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pants are for mortals
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