Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
