everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did I show you my penis last night?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
