Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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