Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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