Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
