Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
