I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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