You're my little dorito
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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