no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
