You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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