my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
