You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
