I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As shirtless as possible
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize