ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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