If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
