We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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