Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
