Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
