Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
