i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
