apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
