you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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