I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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