I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
