dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
