the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
