After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
