Having a random hookup so left but love u
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
