I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
