This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
