Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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