someone threw a dead crab at me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
nutella sex= disaster
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize