I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
