I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
