when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
