Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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