mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
