dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
