im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
