apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i out mim tonsoeep
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize