Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
