I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize