omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We just shotgunned beers for America
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
