the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
