I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i dont even know how to be here
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
