i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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