And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
