So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
