have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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