His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
