wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
