I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
