Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
