Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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