Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
