How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize