You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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