Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
