I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
