you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
