Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
