I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
