yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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