I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
