What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
