It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
