You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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