...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
