I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
