I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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