I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
