i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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