I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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