3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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