I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize