he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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