What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
