I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
two words: eviction party
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
