Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize