Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
