im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
