Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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