I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
