evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
