you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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