I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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