So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have grass duct taped all over my body
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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