I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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